Aliza's Adventures

  I make a lot of mistakes, but they do not define me. Will I let them weigh me down, or will I use them to become stronger? I had an experience earlier this year that could have destroyed me. In fact, it almost did. But I CHOSE. Let me explain. I’ve always had a hard time getting myself to sit down and engage in focused study. Because of this, my grades often suffered. Not because I didn’t want to do well, but because I didn’t know how. I still struggle with time management and self control. But when early spring rolled around this year, I was especially frustrated with myself. I was stressed to the max, and couldn’t seem to figure anything out. I so deeply craved goodness and hope, but I had left everything behind to wallow in self-doubt. Some might have called what I had “depression” but I didn’t like to assign that title to my life. I still had fun at dances, performing events, and activities. I still loved talking to people, but I also felt very alone. I didn’t rely on ...

 [Written 3.20.17] What do you do when you have nowhere to turn; when the people around you all stop believing? When those you believed in stop believing in the thing you care about most in the world? I guess that's when you write. That’s when you tell the friends you never see about how much you wish you could speak to them again. Because they’re the only ones that will really truly understand. But, you can’t. You can’t talk to them because they live miles away. Or hours away. Or days. And it’s hard. Sometimes it’s really, freaking hard. But they know. They will know, and they will love you, and they will cry with you, and they will laugh with you. Even if they cannot wrap an arm around you and give you a hug. And even if they can’t physically dry your tears, they will be there. This goes out to those people. You know who you are, and I swear if you don’t, I haven’t been a good enough friend. To all of them, and you, I say - I love you. Thank you. Thank you always and fore...

The world was her enemy, constantly pulling her apart judging her every move. Comparison consumed her days filling her mind with doubt that she couldn't achieve and couldn't create, that she was worthless. She was in pain endless pain Until one day she saw she saw it wasn't real, that those models weren't really fulfilled; She saw the light she understood. She accepted herself as she was. And finally, she was happy. Don't let the world get you down. Don't let society's ideals chain you up or bar you in. Just because somebody believes something doesn't make it true. You are the only YOU there could or ever will be, make the most of it! Decide to make your existence one to remember. You are an amazing soul, don't forget it! You're beautiful and worthy of love no matter what you have done. Whether you like it or not, you've got something wonderful to offer the world. Believe that! Make it a part of you! Find your m...

I never saw my body from the outside. I always saw it through my own lens, angle, perspective, paradigm. I look at this picture (that was taken for an application for being an extra for some videos) and I see someone who is not especially overweight. She's curvy yes, but she's beautiful. And I never saw that. I guess it took this little reality check for me to realize I'm actually not an ugly mess even though I might weigh more than the average teenage girl. I am beautiful and I have so much to offer the world. That being said, I realize looks are not the most important. But I digress. This girl matters. She is imperfect. But she has infinite value and she hardly knows it. But she is learning. She is trying and failing and trying again. Life is worth it.

Depression is real. It's as real as the sky above you and the ground below. It is a vicious spiral of thoughts that send you into a cycle of self-loathing or whatever you are struggling with. It hurts. It is pain. Sometimes I think it is more pain to be emotionally drained than physically. Part of that stems from it being invisible to everyone around you. You are going through something that no one else can understand or have empathy for. Sure, others struggle, but your struggles are always unique to you. The thoughts running through your head on a daily basis have no way to be stopped. They keep coming at you and taking you over, like flames on dry wood. There is no filter, no wall, no way to keep them from entering your mind. Things are so terrible, how could they possibly get worse? Your grades, relationships, faith, health, and attitudes are suffering. You start to wonder if it would just be better for everyone to just end it. But then you think for a moment. You envision your ...