This Is For You
[Written 3.20.17]
What do you do when you have nowhere to turn; when the people around you all stop believing? When those you believed in stop believing in the thing you care about most in the world?
I guess that's when you write. That’s when you tell the friends you never see about how much you wish you could speak to them again. Because they’re the only ones that will really truly understand. But, you can’t. You can’t talk to them because they live miles away. Or hours away. Or days. And it’s hard. Sometimes it’s really, freaking hard.
But they know. They will know, and they will love you, and they will cry with you, and they will laugh with you. Even if they cannot wrap an arm around you and give you a hug. And even if they can’t physically dry your tears, they will be there.
This goes out to those people. You know who you are, and I swear if you don’t, I haven’t been a good enough friend. To all of them, and you, I say - I love you. Thank you. Thank you always and forever.
Standards. A beautiful weapon of a word. Some are too low, fewer are too high, and most just don’t know where to fit in. I am feeling some things today that I can’t quite describe. I feel slightly sucked of energy and rather discouraged. In fact it even seems like effort to be typing this right now.
I have been raised on high standards. Being the youngest, my parents seem to have figured everything out already (kidding) and they have held me to quite a high bar. I have been restricted from many things most kids would find common. I used to hate it. Now, I love it. I love that I don’t waste my whole day on TV shows and unhealthy media. I love that I have less time online so I am forced to plan out how I am going to use my day. I love that I don’t know crude terms and gestures. I love that I am trying to put God first in my life. And I loved that people around me felt the same way, too.
But not now. Most (not all, but most) of the people I am surrounded by on a daily basis are not in fact guided by the same principles as I am. And as I had to learn with difficulty today, even people you knew also had high values can change. They can surprise you, in ways you never imagined possible. I keep hoping that I saw or heard wrong, but you can’t deny what’s right in front of you. I wish I could always rely on people to only progress forwards.
And then, what do you do when your leaders, the people meant to help and guide you, are okay with certain things too? What then? I surely had never expected to have higher standards than my leaders.
It’s hard. It’s really so hard. Because you really don’t know, when people are going to change. And that’s why you have to have your own rocks - faith, testimony, God, true friends, and things you know will never change. I know I’m extremely imperfect, but gosh, why does it have to be so hard.
To those who are my rocks, I thank you. Thank you for staying true to what you know and believe. Thank you for unfailingly loving me and those around you. Better is coming. It has to be. God has said though, that it’s only gonna get tougher. Keep the faith. Do NOT fall. You are stronger than you can fathom. And when you feel weak, reach out to me and I will lift you up. I love you and God loves you. Don’t ever stop.
What do you do when you have nowhere to turn; when the people around you all stop believing? When those you believed in stop believing in the thing you care about most in the world?
I guess that's when you write. That’s when you tell the friends you never see about how much you wish you could speak to them again. Because they’re the only ones that will really truly understand. But, you can’t. You can’t talk to them because they live miles away. Or hours away. Or days. And it’s hard. Sometimes it’s really, freaking hard.
But they know. They will know, and they will love you, and they will cry with you, and they will laugh with you. Even if they cannot wrap an arm around you and give you a hug. And even if they can’t physically dry your tears, they will be there.
This goes out to those people. You know who you are, and I swear if you don’t, I haven’t been a good enough friend. To all of them, and you, I say - I love you. Thank you. Thank you always and forever.
Standards. A beautiful weapon of a word. Some are too low, fewer are too high, and most just don’t know where to fit in. I am feeling some things today that I can’t quite describe. I feel slightly sucked of energy and rather discouraged. In fact it even seems like effort to be typing this right now.
I have been raised on high standards. Being the youngest, my parents seem to have figured everything out already (kidding) and they have held me to quite a high bar. I have been restricted from many things most kids would find common. I used to hate it. Now, I love it. I love that I don’t waste my whole day on TV shows and unhealthy media. I love that I have less time online so I am forced to plan out how I am going to use my day. I love that I don’t know crude terms and gestures. I love that I am trying to put God first in my life. And I loved that people around me felt the same way, too.
But not now. Most (not all, but most) of the people I am surrounded by on a daily basis are not in fact guided by the same principles as I am. And as I had to learn with difficulty today, even people you knew also had high values can change. They can surprise you, in ways you never imagined possible. I keep hoping that I saw or heard wrong, but you can’t deny what’s right in front of you. I wish I could always rely on people to only progress forwards.
And then, what do you do when your leaders, the people meant to help and guide you, are okay with certain things too? What then? I surely had never expected to have higher standards than my leaders.
It’s hard. It’s really so hard. Because you really don’t know, when people are going to change. And that’s why you have to have your own rocks - faith, testimony, God, true friends, and things you know will never change. I know I’m extremely imperfect, but gosh, why does it have to be so hard.
To those who are my rocks, I thank you. Thank you for staying true to what you know and believe. Thank you for unfailingly loving me and those around you. Better is coming. It has to be. God has said though, that it’s only gonna get tougher. Keep the faith. Do NOT fall. You are stronger than you can fathom. And when you feel weak, reach out to me and I will lift you up. I love you and God loves you. Don’t ever stop.
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